‘Whew! I finally did it!I broke up with him and it felt freeing.It was also sad because i had to face so many other fears that i had and had broken someone’s heart again.Wah!I do not know how this is going to work.But today i dedicate my singlehood to serving Christ.Because this for one is the only thing worth saving and working for.This time i want to embrace this season|enjoy it|cherish it and guard it.This time i want to guard my heart for that right person.But before that Christ has to fulfill me.Oh Lord i pray that this time round i hold on to You more than ever because i know its not going to be easy,but Lord i pray that everytime i feel alone,sad and like i need someone,help me Lord to realize my focus.That i should always come back here and remind myself that there is no greater love than He who laid down His life for me.I pray that my actions may show the love that i have for Christ.I pray that my life may be a symbol of His salvation.I pray that my focus will not be on getting or finding a mate,but on knowing God,loving Him and helping others in realizing Him.I pray that my focus will always remain in Him.This relationship being mainly led by trust that He knows best and has nothing but good plans for me.I really wanted to stay in a relationship situation because it was comfortable.I desire to reach a place where the only contentment i get is from Christ.I would rather have God than any other random guy out there’
This is an excerpt from my 2013 May 3rd Journal.It marks the day i decided to stay single and abstinent by choice.I am amazed that it has been an year already.I really thank God because honestly,without Him,the words on my diary would be meaningless.Let me be honest,its not all the time that i got it right and passed the tests on flirting,lust and all that stuff,but i can say that this committment constantly reminded me of where i needed to be and what kind of boundaries i had to set in order to set myself up for success with regards to sexual purity and guarding my heart.
I am one girl that struggled alot with my worth and identity.Eeerm i dated a couple of guys in order to hear and feel that am beautiful,loved and wanted.Well, the more they kept up with telling me all these things i so desperately wanted to hear,the more i would stay in those relationships even if they were toxic.The minute they would even think of slacking in doing all that i would break up with them instantly and walk away.It really got tiresome at some point,because no one really could keep up and it was foolish of me to even expect them to.
With all these underlying issues,coming to this decision was definately hard.It would get lonely and quiet at times.I definately had to take it a day at a time.I would spend time with God,journal,go to the gym,blog,hang with friends and focus on my studies and dreams.And before i knew it,i had started to fall in love with myself,i really believed that God loved me and my worth is in no relationship, but only in Him.I also realized life is far better without baggage and ‘relationship’ pressure.
I love how Paul really commends Timothy in the book of Philipians chapter two.He notices that Timothy is concerned with the cause of Jesus.And am like “That should me”!!!!
Like i desire to be solely concerned about the cause of Christ,in every season of my life.
TEN THINGS I HAVE LEARNT SO FAR!!!
1) What ‘single’ really means seriously,i had ignored the dictionary too long.(lol)
Single~(only one,not married or in romantic relationship,designed for one person,considered separately)
2) That i should be single~minded>>>(attention fixed on only one thing.Not allowing myself to be influenced by other people.)
Well,am on this journey of being single minded with my eyes focused on Christ and what i can do for Him in this season of my life.
4) Singlehood has PURPOSE behind it,it aint a disease,i should probably stop running.
5) Love really starts with SELF.
6)Really know who you are before expecting someone to disintergrate and learn A,B,C and D about you.
7) Do not stay in relationships that are toxic and compromise your standards.
8) Nothing good really comes out of a relationship that does NOT please God.I know that is true,trust me. 🙂
9)Waiting on God for that guy does not literally mean sitting and doing nothing(.Spend time with God,spend time with your awesome friends,work out a lil bit,learn how to cook,do your hair ,nails and make up,use your gifts and talents,focus on your dreams and what you want to achieve and live in fullfillment to your purpose!!!
10)Grace really does not expire.God will pick you up from whatever mess you are in,dust you up and be with you through the journey.So what if i messed up?!God is there saying “I care about this area of your life and it is part of the good plans that i have for you,just TRUST Me”
God loves us and just wants you and me to trust Him.Am still on the journey and am still learning.Hope you are inspired,encouraged and motivated.Feel free to share your thoughts,where you are on this journey,what you have learnt so far and anything else on your heart.