Or vice versa, I don’ t know how to be Christian and be dateable. It’s hard and I get it! For most Christians there exists the assumption that one can automatically thrive in the dating world, which is completely unrealistic because most single Christians are really avoiding the dating world. In explaining this “avoidance” of dating, well, some may call it waiting for the right person or the right one or my rib, or my Adam or Eve. I am totally for this don’t get me wrong, but the reality of the issue is that for the most part Adam or Eve don’t come with a placard on their foreheads suggesting that they are the one for you. (Wish they did though lol!). And even if they did,it really does not make it any easier.Most of the time they approach you with a handshake, a smile or a conversation. Something that will require you to dig deeper than how loud they sing at a church service. In my opinion, these are things I think everyone (dating or not dating) should keep in mind;
A) DATING IS NOT A SIN
A cup of coffee, a walk or even an ice cream date really does not count as sin. It took me a long time to actually get this into my head and just say yes to that coffee. It would be ignorant of me to claim that I would start any relationship at a courtship stage. I believe everything has momentum and takes time to build and reach certain levels. But WHAT goes on during these dates really is what counts as sin or not. I know it may sound damn, but I used to even struggle with the simplest thing such as admitting I liked someone. I used to feel so judged. lol! Being Christian does not mean boring and blurry, or having no idea of what you like or don’t like in the opposite sex other than them being believers. It’s okay to be attracted and can I go ahead and say that it is only natural?
b) YOU ARE LITERALLY WRITING YOUR OWN LOVE STORY.
Or stories depending on how many people you end up dating in your life. Let’s be real. (I would love to tell you that the only person you’ll date is your husband BUT.)So stop reading everyone else’s love stories and trying to manipulate and sabotaging your own love story. Yees, I know you admire whoever it is you look up to relationship wise, but honestly you can’t have her husband or wife. For the single ladies, you end up missing an opportunity of meeting and hitting it off with a great guy because you are waiting for your mentors’ husband and not your own. Your best friend might meet his or her partner when they are 40,you might meet yours in your early or late twenties. Every story is different, accept yours, love yourself and nurture it.
c) CHARACTER VS SCRIPTURE MEMORY.
With the “unequally yoked memory verse in mind” I am all for choosing whoever you decide to date wisely. He may be the loudest in church but reality is, you will not be talking scripture all day. Does his character match his beliefs and proclamations? Do they treat you right? How does he/she treat the waiter when out on a date? Do they apologise when wrong? In my opinion, character will speak loudest to my heart. I have seen a relationship(dear to me) whereby she got married to “a man of God” who even spoke in tongues and five years down the marriage he had battered her, had no job (ever) and added no value to her life because all she looked for was a man who can pray. God-fearing quality is on top of the list but it’s not all that should be on your list. Let it be number one though! Ask the right questions and observe the better qualities in a person other than how they make you feel and decide what you think or know you can live with.Be bold and brave,that way you save time.Let character speak louder.
D) ITS NOT GOING TO BE PERFECT.
Whoa! This was a hard one. Thinking that we are all Christians and we all go to church you would imagine a smooth sailing date, relationship or whatever else. Then you put yourself out there (finally) and the worship leader breaks your heart. I mean hallo!!!!! you are dating a human being. Just because you waited until you are 28 to date somebody because of your convictions (good or bad) does not mean that it is going to be perfect. It does not mean that you will not get into arguments and fights. Your waiting does not mean you will meet a mini-god and there won’t be mistakes along the way. There is a danger in focusing on only a single story of a person, a place or basically anything(CHIMAMANDA ADICHIE). There are good days and bad days, I bet we all know that. So when and if you decide to date, remember to be human and that way you will remember that the other person is human too. Do not focus only on the sad and depressing stories, instead bask all the more in the glory of the good days that were and the ones you are hopeful for.
E) Loosing yourself.
You think you are confident until you start dating someone, then you start hiding who you really are. Because you like him so much. You want to have a matching taste in everything with this other human being. HAHA! Let me pull a sit for yah! Listen up, before you started to get to know this person, I mean you had your own set of beliefs and lifestyle and what not. These things have lasted way longer than the length of time you have known this person so do not be in such a hurry to assume that YOU aren’t cool enough. This person liked you not because you are so alike but because you are different. Share yourself and do not hide. Be confident in who you are no matter how twisted. Change if and when you want to, especially if it’s for the better.
This is not in any way professional dating or relationship advice, trust me, I do not know much lol. Just things am learning through the journey and detours of life. Thanks for reading. Feel free to share your thoughts, criticisms and whatever you feel like! Hope you like the new feel to the blog!