Pain, Bitterness and Evaders.

IMG_2436.JPGAll relationships are and have the potential of being hard. Relationships grow and reveal us.They push us to be better if we allow them to. Growth has never been comfortable.

A relationship with God is not in any way different.We tend to treat our relationship with Him the way we treat our relationship with other people.This we can subconsciously do because its easier to allow our relationships with fellow humans influence our relationship with Him other than allowing our active relationship with Him influence how we relate with others.

With that being said. I am an evader. It’s not easy for me to have ‘hard’ conversations and i believe so for most. We tend to run away from relationships when they get real.I have been running away from God because the conversation reached a place where it got hard and too real.Where it would push me and want to grow me. The unveiling of branches and budding of flowers tormented me because the process is not as beautiful as the outcome.

So of course the easier route is to loand assume that He knows my heart (which He does) and there is no need to have that dreadful conversation. Only that that conversation was really not for Him but for me.

There is a pain, sadness and worry that words cannot express.It really just glares and glazes your heart every time you realize how alive to it you are.One that wakes you up in the middle of a scary dream and you are more scared of the reality that you have been woken up to.

And i could not bring myself to having that conversation with Him.How could i begin? What do i ask for? If words could even come out of my mouth. How do i accept His ultimate will? Will i survive it? Where is He? So i packed my life in a bag and i left.I checked out and asked that they keep a sit for me because I’ll probably be back.

Oh i hated the developing pages of the story of my life. Ones that i know i will struggle with the desire to keep folded.There are things in this life that will inconsiderately invade our lives.They will not ask for permission to turn your whole life upside down.You’ll even be surprised by how bold they are. Some guts.

Why me? How about why not you? Hard pill to swallow. At such times, we go to God and we don’t ask and whine. We pour out our hearts and remind ourselves of His love.We cry in His arms and know that when trouble knocks relief is where He is. Soothing is in His presence and healing is guaranteed.

So we intentionally and even with bitterness and lack ofย  any kind of understanding rise up from that place of worryย  and take back our sit. We allow His grace carry us to the unknown.We trust Him and await His healing.

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