Pain, Bitterness and Evaders.

IMG_2436.JPGAll relationships are and have the potential of being hard. Relationships grow and reveal us.They push us to be better if we allow them to. Growth has never been comfortable.

A relationship with God is not in any way different.We tend to treat our relationship with Him the way we treat our relationship with other people.This we can subconsciously do because its easier to allow our relationships with fellow humans influence our relationship with Him other than allowing our active relationship with Him influence how we relate with others.

With that being said. I am an evader. It’s not easy for me to have ‘hard’ conversations and i believe so for most. We tend to run away from relationships when they get real.I have been running away from God because the conversation reached a place where it got hard and too real.Where it would push me and want to grow me. The unveiling of branches and budding of flowers tormented me because the process is not as beautiful as the outcome.

So of course the easier route is to loand assume that He knows my heart (which He does) and there is no need to have that dreadful conversation. Only that that conversation was really not for Him but for me.

There is a pain, sadness and worry that words cannot express.It really just glares and glazes your heart every time you realize how alive to it you are.One that wakes you up in the middle of a scary dream and you are more scared of the reality that you have been woken up to.

And i could not bring myself to having that conversation with Him.How could i begin? What do i ask for? If words could even come out of my mouth. How do i accept His ultimate will? Will i survive it? Where is He? So i packed my life in a bag and i left.I checked out and asked that they keep a sit for me because I’ll probably be back.

Oh i hated the developing pages of the story of my life. Ones that i know i will struggle with the desire to keep folded.There are things in this life that will inconsiderately invade our lives.They will not ask for permission to turn your whole life upside down.You’ll even be surprised by how bold they are. Some guts.

Why me? How about why not you? Hard pill to swallow. At such times, we go to God and we don’t ask and whine. We pour out our hearts and remind ourselves of His love.We cry in His arms and know that when trouble knocks relief is where He is. Soothing is in His presence and healing is guaranteed.

So we intentionally and even with bitterness and lack of  any kind of understanding rise up from that place of worry  and take back our sit. We allow His grace carry us to the unknown.We trust Him and await His healing.




Or vice versa, I don’ t know how to be Christian and be dateable. It’s hard and I get it! For most Christians there exists the assumption that one can automatically thrive in the dating world, which is completely unrealistic because most single Christians are really avoiding the dating world. In explaining this “avoidance” of dating, well, some may call it waiting for the right person or the right one or my rib, or my Adam or Eve. I am totally for this don’t get me wrong, but the reality of the issue is that for the most part Adam or Eve don’t come with a placard on their foreheads suggesting that they are the one for you. (Wish they did though lol!). And even if they did,it really does not make it any easier.Most of the time they approach you with a handshake, a smile or a conversation. Something that will require you to dig deeper than how loud they sing at a church service. In my opinion, these are things I think everyone (dating or not dating) should keep in mind;

A cup of coffee, a walk or even an ice cream date really does not count as sin. It took me a long time to actually get this into my head and just say yes to that coffee. It would be ignorant of me to claim that I would start any relationship at a courtship stage. I believe everything has momentum and takes time to build and reach certain levels. But WHAT goes on during these dates really is what counts as sin or not. I know it may sound damn, but I used to even struggle with the simplest thing such as admitting I liked someone. I used to feel so judged. lol! Being Christian does not mean boring and blurry, or having no idea of what you like or don’t like in the opposite sex other than them being believers. It’s okay to be attracted and can I go ahead and say that it is only natural?
Or stories depending on how many people you end up dating in your life. Let’s be real. (I would love to tell you that the only person you’ll date is your husband BUT.)So stop reading everyone else’s love stories and trying to manipulate and sabotaging your own love story. Yees, I know you admire whoever it is you look up to relationship wise, but honestly you can’t have her husband or wife. For the single ladies, you end up missing an opportunity of meeting and hitting it off with a great guy because you are waiting for your mentors’ husband and not your own. Your best friend might meet his or her partner when they are 40,you might meet yours in your early or late twenties. Every story is different, accept yours, love yourself and nurture it.

With the “unequally yoked memory verse in mind” I am all for choosing whoever you decide to date wisely. He may be the loudest in church but reality is, you will not be talking scripture all day. Does his character match his beliefs and proclamations? Do they treat you right? How does he/she treat the waiter when out on a date? Do they apologise when wrong? In my opinion, character will speak loudest to my heart. I have seen a relationship(dear to me) whereby she got married to “a man of God” who even spoke in tongues and five years down the marriage he had battered her, had no job (ever) and added no value to her life because all she looked for was a man who can pray. God-fearing quality is on top of the list but it’s not all that should be on your list. Let it be number one though! Ask the right questions and observe the better qualities in a person other than how they make you feel and decide what you think or know you can live with.Be bold and brave,that way you save time.Let character speak louder.

Whoa! This was a hard one. Thinking that we are all Christians and we all go to church you would imagine a smooth sailing date, relationship or whatever else. Then you put yourself out there (finally) and the worship leader breaks your heart. I mean hallo!!!!! you are dating a human being. Just because you waited until you are 28 to date somebody because of your convictions (good or bad) does not mean that it is going to be perfect. It does not mean that you will not get into arguments and fights. Your waiting does not mean you will meet a mini-god and there won’t be mistakes along the way. There is a danger in focusing on only a single story of a person, a place or basically anything(CHIMAMANDA ADICHIE). There are good days and bad days, I bet we all know that. So when and if you decide to date, remember to be human and that way you will remember that the other person is human too. Do not focus only on the sad and depressing stories, instead bask all the more in the glory of the good days that were and the ones you are hopeful for.
E) Loosing yourself.
You think you are confident until you start dating someone, then you start hiding who you really are. Because you like him so much. You want to have a matching taste in everything with this other human being. HAHA! Let me pull a sit for yah! Listen up, before you started to get to know this person, I mean you had your own set of beliefs and lifestyle and what not. These things have lasted way longer than the length of time you have known this person so do not be in such a hurry to assume that YOU aren’t cool enough. This person liked you not because you are so alike but because you are different. Share yourself and do not hide. Be confident in who you are no matter how twisted. Change if and when you want to, especially if it’s for the better.
This is not in any way professional dating or relationship advice, trust me, I do not know much lol. Just things am learning through the journey and detours of life. Thanks for reading. Feel free to share your thoughts, criticisms and whatever you feel like! Hope you like the new feel to the blog!



“The No Sex Til Am Married Banner”

goooood photo2SEX! SEX! SEX! May be I shouldn’t even leave that there because I am Christian, and Christians do not think or talk about that. Especially single unmarried ones, like me. Well, I will take one for the team and be the “weird” one and really just talk about it after giving it much thought.
The past couple of months have been super weird for me. Being in my final year in school, people tend to put this “pressure” that never really existed during my freshman year. Am going to be really honest, not to throw shade on anyone, but to keep it 100%.Most of my peers are living with their significant others that they are dating, others are having kids (out of wedlock), some are just popping too many morning pills and buying lots of condoms and its really no big deal, at least to them. It happens so casually that sometimes it’s easy to think the same way NO BIG DEAL.

So here I am, making an entourage with a banner “NO SEX TIL AM MARRIED” And yes! That murdered my ‘street cred’ immediately. Weird, miss goody two shoes and can’t wait to see how long that will last looks are pretty much all I get. I have heard many people saying that it is no big deal. Most wo|men nowadays approach wo|men upfront for sex because it has reached a point whereby it means nothing or so little. It’s more like “I feel it, you feel it….let’s get into it…. and if it’s really good, we might exchange names and more information about each other”. Well, I think, just because you feel it, it doesn’t justify you’re doing it. To me the #90 day rule does not even exist,  let’s try the #we are not married yet rule. It does not matter how in love we feel, or how meant to be we are. There is a time under the sun for everything and before marriage is not the time for sex. But this is the thing, it is super easy to agree with this world if all you do is feed your spirit with it. In Philippians 2:5 “Your attitude should be like that of Christ”. The key words there are attitude and Jesus Christ. Attitude in other words implies disposition. My disposition towards life and issues of life should be like those of Christ. My thoughts on sex which translates into my actions should like those of Christ and what the Bible teaches. Not on what I watch on real house wives, Scandal, basically TV or what my friends say and everyone around me seems to be believing or doing.Snapshot_20141211_29
Do I want to have sex? YES! Is it a struggle? You have no idea how much. I get to meet great guys that I like and would love to date, but their belief on pre-marital sex is one of the areas where I base my deal breakers. How can two walk together if they don’t agree, has never made so much sense. I am not saying that we will not be attracted to the opposite sex and all that good stuff, but even in that attraction we should be able to talk about boundaries and be more deliberate in making them effective. Of course, this would work best if one is serious and considering a long term relationship i.e. marriage and not a convenient short term thing that would be later framed as “We dated for a minute”. #DatingWithPurpose
YES! I do agree that it is not always that these boundaries are going to work or we may not have those moments of weakness. But we need to remember that that does not justify our swimming in the sin of pre-marital sex. I call it sin because the Bible does and you should as well and not because I want to be called ‘holier than thou” because you would be guilty of telling a lie. Sex is an intimate special connection that should be made with only one person in one context and that is marriage. Sounds old school? Right? But don’t let this pop-culture generation fool you. So are you on his bed and he hasn’t put a ring on it ,it does not matter how much he/she loves you or how long you have lived together or known each other. God still sees it as sin.
I realized that one of the triggers for the times I found myself compromising in this area was the types of conversations I was having with my friends. You know us girls the way we subconsciously dig deep into the nitty-gritties of every situation, and when I say every, I mean every situation .Of course this is awesome when ya’ll are talking scripture. Then I came across this verse 2nd Timothy 2:16 “Avoid Godless chatter because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly”. I realized I cannot be discussing how it felt (not spiritually) kissing whoever and how his body felt and am that girl trying to be celibate. Who am I fooling? Of course the next time we’ll be talking I’d want to be the one dishing the juicy story. The more I indulge in ungodly chatter, the more Godly principles will slip through my fingers. Amen to more discipline on this area!!!!
I STILL lift that banner up high on good  and  bad days. I trust and hold on to God so that I keep myself for that connection with one person and to most importantly honour Him in that way.

If you are out there and was almost losing hope and succumbing to the pressure, well you are not alone. Virgin or not. Keep your head up and stand your ground. If you are having pre-marital sex, well, I pray you re-consider. It all starts with making a choice and then being deliberate in making the choices come alive and be more effective. All in all the Grace of God is sufficient and I pray HE convicts our hearts even more concerning this topic. Love you all! Don’t forget to share your thoughts.

“HIM vs him”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                           With the little ‘relationship knowledge’ that I have and the blog1possibilities that the New Year holds, it would be sad if I did things the same way. So cheers for setting myself up for success. As I normally say “Prepare yourself for the best and when the worst happens trust God to carry you through.” I find this releasing me from the pressure of worrying and helping me prepare wholeheartedly for the bestcloser to Godladieschastity. In the past ‘him’ always won. He won even before he tried winning me over. I would give him the medal even before he finished the race. He was everything to me even before giving me everything, that he never saw the point of giving anything. Well my fault I guess. But this girl isn’t about that anymore.
I stopped chasing ‘hims’ and started chasing HIM. And it is and has been a very sweet, amazing and fulfilling journey. Of course each day is different but worthwhile. It has not been perfect but a girl can try. I fall, but I get back up and put effort. Not effort for perfection, that’s His job, but effort to get closer to HIM.
Why HIM? Because He is God and gave me everything even before I knew I needed it. Because He loved me first. Because He can never come second place. Because He always wins. Because He never stops giving. Because He should never be in such a battle. Because He created him.
Most if not all ladies have this battle because sometimes we love him or the idea of him so much. But we need to release men from the pressure of wanting them to be everything because they simply can’t be and it’s awesome that they can’t. It gives us the opportunity to seek and want our EVERYTHING….HIM. Am not trying to romanticize God because He does not need me to. But that love!!!!!(Whew!)So when push comes to shove and I have to choose HIM or him, well ya”ll know my choice already. I will not make it a battle. HIM remains. I hope He remains for you too.Happy New Year! Love ya’ll for checking out this post.xoxo.


Yeah i do love men and yes i do ‘hate on men’ more than i acknowledge this.But God knows that i do love the men in my life and men in general.I love and admire their strength,zeal and focus.I love their determination,courage,bravity and drive.I love that they ‘make us believe’ that they don’t ‘gossip’ and ‘cry’ as much as we do.I love their decisiveness and ability to learn from them.I love that they are different in so many ways and it somehow still works!I mean whats not to love.Lol!

Can i be real!? This blog is just one of the very few times that i actually say this about men.All my life i have been taught that ALL men (very few times with an exception of my father and brothers) are peas in a pod.Possesing the SAME kind of dissapointments.Since childhood,all i was fed on was stereotypes on men that i didn’t know what exactly to look for in a man other than how many of his dissapointments and pod behaviours i can deal with and still live.

I am just a woman who is really tired of hearing this.I wonder to myself,are the men not tired?Or have they heard all these stereotypes and replaced the truth with a lie.Branding it COOL and calling it SWAG.Like if swag is confidence,then are stereotypes the source of your confidence,your rock?These stereotypes and objectifying of men crashes my heart for my father,brothers,husband to be and my future sons.For that man who wakes up at break of dawn to push a cart in order to feed his family.And for that young man growing up,confused as to how he should actually grow up.

Ladies i know we love attention,i am not even trying to front.Today so much focus is on how to make us better and i appreciate,believe me.But just as we were not born knowing ourselves and how to act,so did our men.Who is teaching the men?Who is on their faces convincing them of who they are?Who is making it so hard for them to forget who they are?When did we give up on our men?

Ladies have been taught to stand up and shout out (may be too loud)that they are different and are more.On the contrary most men i have met don’t even know that they are more,so have nothing to stand up for or defend.I mean just because there is no PROVERBS 31ON MEN in the Bible(whole chapter talking about manly virtues) does not mean there are no standards and things worthy of praise about men.You do realize that most characters in the Bible are men.God really exhausted himself in that department.And trust me it was not because there were no women He could use.

Look at it this way,God did not get Eve from a broken and confused Adam.Eve was got from a well put together guy in the garden who knew himself.I think men were used in the Bible most because well,God made them the leaders and we kind of learn from them.So you want to know who you are?Look through the Bible and you will see yourself clearly than you have ever imagined.You know as women we can really do our level best to get it right,but sometimes it really ends up dysfunctional when our leaders ,examples,our great men that we are supposed to learn from are broken,confused and not well put together.The puzzle ends up not fitting as it should.

I think as ladies,we also really love the stereotypes.I mean when we sit down to talk,well that seems to be all we talk about..Men (apart from the current boyfriend) are this and that and nothing positive.But seriously though girls,is that all we call out in our men?Then why act so surprised when you get or experience the same thing you called out?Yes we need to check our mouths.We need to hash on the negativity and stereotypes and call forth our men to life.Call out what you want to see because they hear and can be better.

Stereotypes Replaced!!!!
All men are:
Liars and cheats>>Honest and faithful….(yeah!!!Why are you full of doubt!! ?:) )

Dogs??>>>Humans and sensitive;Can make mistakes and learn.

Superficial and care about ass and boobs (am being real)>>>They can really have descent conversations!!!!

Never change,never get better>>>The only thing that seems to be constant is change;not a man!God can change anyone to perfection!Yes ma’am Yes sir!!!”

He is as good as his wallet>>>>He is as good as his purpose,achieving that and not money in the bank!#WorkEthic!! Intergrity may be!!! 😉 ladies can i get an Amen!!! Lol!!!

Cannot abstain from pre~marital sex>>>Sorry to dissapoint you guys on this one,well no one can without the grace of God,being intentional and accountability.Yes,they can wait!!

Constant checking up on,(close to stalking) and manipulation is the way to keep his heart>>>>He is a grown man (unless he ain’t) and can be responsible.Manipulation is actually witchcraft…ya”ll don’t need me to say its wrong!

With these stereotypes REPLACED with truth that can only be found in God,well men its time to stop believing lies masquerading as truth about you.Learn to stand up for truth and yourselves.The quote “You teach others how to treat you “also applies to you! Stand up for yourself not only in words but also in deeds that show that you are a MAN WELL PUT TOGETHER and ready to lead.Because no matter where you are,whom you are with and whatever you do,you too deserve to be treated with respect and honor.Love yourself enough to be who you are.Believe the truth.Stop with the excuses already.Am reminded of David when he sinned with Bathsheba.Yes it was a weak moment,but one thing he did not say to God when repenting is. “Am sorry,am just a guy.Don’t expect much from me”
Well today society might allow you to say that,but God will not.He is hurt and dissapointed when we do not see ourselves the way He does but  instead we believe lies when it costed Him a Son to live in TRUTH.
Its your call men!
Go get it!
I love my men manly!!
Love you all!!!
Feel free to share and comment on this!!
Enjoyed writing it!!!

All men should check this video out and ladies should believe this of their men!!!



“Shift In Perspective”

How many times do you believe it when someone tells you that you are great.How many times are your dreams valid on a DAILY.What if it does not look worth it at this point.What if you actually think that you are not worth it.What if the people who were meant to support you and tell you that the world is yours for the taking are not doing that anymore.What if they do not believe it themselves.What if the situation and how it looks is not encouraging at all.What if  their hands are not clapping or patting you on the back.What if you do not have anything in your hands at the moment.What if the one opportunity that you thought will be your breakthrough does not come through.What if you do not believe that you have an answer to this world problems,atleast one.What if you are tired and feel weak and that fire that once lit up your dream is no longer burning.

I think i have been there before especially as i grow older and unsure about how tomorrow will look like.Scared of failing and dissapointing myself.Not really fighting people bondage,but my own bondage.I also realize it is easier for me to wallow in these thoughts of inadequacy and doubts.Throwing a whole pity party on my bed,topping it with a pathetic attitude.

But consider,what if……..ladies &gentlemen…

1) You are great and created for that dream.

2) You are a world changer.

3) People were never meant to pat your back or believe in you,but you are meant to prove them wrong.

4) That opportunity that you thought passed you by opened a whole new door.

5) Those situations that you really dont want to remember,are shaping you and your mindest.

6)Your imperfections are actually perfect.

7) Your name will be remembered.

8) You having nothing in your hands is actually something that God needs.

9) You are a story to someone out there and they are watching your every move.

10) You are are amazing and awesome.Talented and gifted.Beautiful and needed.

Reading through that list might have been awkward and weird for some because maybe you have not read it enough,heard it enough or said it to yourself enough times.Sometimes we just need to shut the voices that tear us down and that might include our own voices.

I think that it really does us no harm at all when we think ourselves great,talented,loved and amazing.It actually just makes work easier for us to impact the change and transformation we want to see for ourselves and society at large.A shift in perspective is what you and i need.A famous saying, “You are your thoughts” summarizes this.You cannot risk walking around thinking how much you are of no use to anyone and end up being of use to someone.

I am not here to advocate for false confidence and a nasty domineering attitude.All am saying is,believe the things that you are and you will be able to fulfill the things that you are meant to on this earth.Silence that voice that are sometimes too loud,telling you things contrary to who you are.

Got this from a study,
“All things splendid have been achieved by those who dare believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance”.

**You want to hear more words that build you up,encourages you,positively criticizes and give life**
Trent Shelton always says this:
And honestly,i agree with him.Sow what you want to reap.You will be awed by the ripple effect.

/Today take an interest in one of you friend/family,ask them their dreams and whether they tell you or not,drop a seed there of encouragement and make them know that you care that they achieve what they are on earth to do/


Check my videos out too!!! 🙂 🙂

‘The Wife Drama’

‘Laughter and the sound of ‘toasts’ of wine glasses can be heard from all corners of the well-lit room.Soft, enjoyable ,brassy music filled the already enjoyable atmosphere.The faces of the congregation matched their adornings for the evening-bright and lovely.I walk into the room,having worn a gown that looks somehow,white.Holding the hand of a man and what it looks like,we are celebrating a wedding that just took place.He leads me to a table that has two beautiful ladies.He introduces me to the first lady and i immediately assume that it is the sister.But,contrary to my wishful assumptions this man introduces her as his second -wife .My face turns green,tears washing down my make up and i immediately run out of there,my heart pounding,screaming relentlessly ‘I could never be a third wife’.My sister follows me outside and the first thing i ask of her in desperation is ‘Where can i get a family lawyer at this time?’ THEN I WOKE UP.I had had a nightmare.I immediately started praying,my heart beating so fast nullifying this dream,telling God,this, is not and cannot be my portion.

I remember prior to this dream,i had just been from watching the news that night on the marriage bill that allowed men to willfully go for second-wives.I felt so strongly about the matter as we discussed it with my sister then bam! That night i had the dream.

But seriously though,as our men consider taking up as many wives as they see fit and desire.I feel and think that what tends to be forgotten is What God says on the issue and its effects on the family.Let me be real honest,i come from a polygamous family set up.My dad whom i heart dearly has two wives.I love them as well.I never knew family as boring because my mom has five of us and my step mom has nine of us.So basically,because we lived (the kids +my mom) in the same house,and life as i knew it was pretty much fun and exciting.I loved it.

Thing is,when growing up i never understood why i would call my mommy,’mummy’ and my steps would call her ‘mama so and so'(put in my name).Until i reached a certain age ,then i actually understood that we had different moms,i stopped with the questioning.My step mom was not staying with us and soon enough my step siblings after reaching a certain age,they started leaving ,to go and stay with their mom,which was okay.But it became different.Our once so great relationship was different.Our communication with each other became frizzled and almost not there. Ofcourse i loved them and i knew they loved us too,but it wasn’t the same.My once ‘normal’ family was now weird.I would look through the window admiring families that seemed ‘normal’ and stuff.At times it felt like my brothers and sisters had rejected and disapproved of us and did not consider themselves a part of us.It was hard and still is.
Does my mom and dad know how difficult it might have been for us as kids and growing up?I am not sure.

Children in the middle of a polygamous family,well it tends to feel like one is constantly in the middle of a situation.A confusing situation,where by it is hard to understand what is going on and where exactly is it that one stands.I am 100% sure that my step siblings were not at all pleased and comfortable with the set up.Polygamy is never a win-win situation for the kids.

So, i am a born-again (SAVED) christian and i do not have standards of my own,but those of Christ,because i died to me and my desires and wants.I do not believe in polygamy not only because of what it does to the family institution but most importantly because it was NOT God’s intended design for marriage.In the dream i had,i felt convicted about the whole situation,not because of its impact on the kind of life i probably have gone through,but because deep inside i knew it wasn’t God’s will and design for marriage.I felt like i had displeased Him,the most important person in my life. 

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.
Note:Only one wife was got from Adams rib.

Polygamy,whether permission sought or not does not stop it from being adultery.Adultery,straight up is a sin.God condemns it all through the Bible.
Exodus 20:14 You shall NOT commit adultery.

Matthew 5:27 You have heard that it was said,’Do not commit adultery’.

Deutronomy 5:18 You shall not commit adultery. (Just to mention a few)

I believe adultery is birthed from man’s own heart never from necessity or situations of life.It may seem so,but it all boils to where one’s hope and heart are set.The foundations of our standards and beliefs.

Matthew 15:19 For out of the heart comes evil thoughts,murder,adultery,sexual immorality,theft,false testimony,slander.

Mark 7:21 For from within,out of men’s hearts,comes evil thoughts,sexual immorality,theft,murder,adultery.

This issue starts from our hearts guys.These hearts of ours.

In conclusion,well,just because i am birthed in a polygamous family does not make polygamy right before God’s eyes.The only eyes we should be concerned about.Just because our ancestors found pride in it,does not nullify God’s Words on the issue.It does not prove manhood or demand respect.
Proverbs 6:32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgement,whoever does so destroys himself.

And just because our government might call it law,it does not substitute God’s standards for marriage.It may be accepted in Kenya but in God’s eyes it is a sin with consequences.At the end of the day,no matter who you are or your situation it all depends on whose standards you decide to live by.Remember that TRUTH does NOT stop being TRUTH because many people do not believe in it or find it difficult to uphold.
But as for me and my ‘one day-family
‘ we shall serve the Lord,believe and live by His standards.:)Be encouraged,all hope is not lost.Bless you!
Love ya’ll.







Somehow it is easier to see that speck in the tiny beautiful eyes of the person seated next to you.What is even more interesting is the irony of how we are able to see the speck considering the hugeness of the log  in our eyes.You would think that the log would blind or cloud us from always trying to ”unspeck” those close to us.More like Keep Calm and Allow that Log to Cloud your eyes and help  Look Within First.

Being a Christian does not mean that i do NOT struggle.The world actually does not want to see Christians struggle and us as Christians HATE that we struggle.But honestly,in the world people DO NOT struggle.In the World means in the Flesh ,and what could be more easier than pleasing and living by the flesh.The real work begins in salvation.When trying to tame this flesh.When trying to supress its wants and urges.

I believe in being real.(atleast recently lol).Therefore i try not to hide me.I try NOT to hide my struggles.To the unbeliever,may be i should not be struggling with things and to the believer may be me struggling is a sign of, i dont know,lack of enough faith or stunted growth.But how are you to pray for me and me pray for you if we are not struggling with NOTHING!

    Therefore confess your sins to each other so that you may be healed.The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
(James 5:16) 

I started this blog,not to hide behind my phone and the well orchastrated words(i believe,lol!) of how struggle-free my life seems to be.This blog was and is meant to bring out the true me,my life journey in Christ and that includes my struggles.I desire to put and end to the covering of my face and give people the chance to see the real me as Christ does His thing.

So in a society whereby siblings are compared constantly to each other.”Competition” is the motto.”Be better than you know who”is the slogan.It is super HARD to not have issues of pride.It gets to a point where it is hard to count others better than me.It goes further to the extent of stepping on and crushing a person so hard in order to get my way.To show the world that am better,a go-getter and i always get what i want.My friends and family urge me to be “ambitious”,only that they do not realize that deep inside ,i only want to be the only one on top.They do not hear my heart scream that am all about me and selfish ambitions. To the world success stories have become pride stories,covered by the words ”i am humbled” but very contrary to where one’s heart is.

Well,when all quiets down,i look to the person Jesus Christ and i asked, “What was his attitude?”

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus!(Philipians 2:5)

Jesus who is EQUAL to God the Father in STATUS and GLORY made Himself nothing,so that one day you and me can be something together with Him.
He did not use His Godly nature and power to promote Himself in any way but instead He emptied Himself!
  “He became not just a human being but a servant,not just a servant,but a slave,not just a slave,but a dead slave,degraded and disgraced by execution on a cross (Philipians 2:7-8)

I mean,the example of Christian humility begins with Jesus.I ask myself how am i sharing with Christ in the emptying of myself the way He did for me!Or am i always rooting for me.Just the way He laid down His life for me,how am i laying my life down for someone else for His sake.How can i be a slave for the sake of Him and His Word.

In the example of Jesus,love is the engine of service.Pride contradicts love and service.The love that Christ has for us enabled Him to consider me and you above ALL that He is,above Himself.Without love,even if we serve we do it with grumbling and complaining.Consider a mother with a new born baby.The mother never gets any sleep but hardly does she complain about her cries especially when she sees her smiles.Her love for the child keeps her going i tell you!She diligently serves her kid with joy and satisfaction.

I need,we need to desire and determine to love one another.Putting aside our own little wants and selfish ambitions.Let us try something like humility may be :)!

Yes ,Jesus may have looked like the downtrodden failure of the human race by choosing to be reduced to a slave.But,without this wonderful slave, you and me would have no life to live and even look forward to.FYI,He has the highest place in heaven.Its that time to re-think for both you and me.Whoosh! Bless Jesus. 🙂

Love ya’ll.





#SoYouStillSingle….First Love.


“My Adam is in deep sleep so it only means,God is preparing me until He wakes him up and finds me.”


Yes,i am single,well not so many people rejoice about that.It gets kind of weird especially when  you are in your twenties and past and you still maintain the status especially in this century.For me personally,it has not been the easiest choice i made,yeah, dating is a choice,it does not just happen(we can discuss that lol)

So why am i single(wish i could answer that lol) but actually i can answer that and so many of you can help me in answering.My answer is as simple as am not ready in any way to be responsible of any man out there.And am sure not ready to get married yet and more so i have not reached a place where God is all that i breathe and long for which is my ultimate goal.Ooops!!! Yeah its out there ,haha.But yeah it’s the truth,i really long to be satisfied in Christ,to be happy in having Him and always depending on Him.Therefore, in the achievement of my ultimate goal i find dating really distracting to me especially at this point in my life.

I saw a twitter hash tag sometime back that was trending #NaBadoUkoSingle(andyoustillsingle?).Mostly men criticized ladies for what they would do for them and still ended up #ForeverAlone #single.Most women do not want the status and most men adore the status,(non~committers,friends with benefits)etc.

Can i be honest?I personally hated the status because to the world single is another word for’loneliness and there is something really wrong with you ‘and there is a major need to do something about it.The hash tag #NaBadoUkoSingle (you still single) as much as it was a mockery to the ladies and displayed men as #winning,it was as well a wake up call for ladies to STOP playing house (Paying his rent,sleeping with him,calling him hubby without the ring,playing wife),allowing him to beat you up and abuse you,having his babies expecting him to commit to you,basically using you.

Yes i totally get it,we say we need the attention ,the love,and probably security.The pressure today is even worse because of what society has reduced relationships to.We are taught that waiting is impossible and reflects inability to attract the opposite sex.That,apparently,one is not pretty enough and no one wants them and for the guys well,inability to ‘get it’.

This brings me to conversation i had with a friend who was having problems with the girlfriend.He told me that the reason he was dating was to avoid the realness of being lonely but funny enough he was still lonely even in the relationship. RELATIONSHIPS DO NOT CURE LONELINESS.Proven conclusion.I too had a fair share of this discovery lol.I was looking for someone to cure my loneliness;crazy as that sounds it is so true.Someone to fill that void i have inside.I thought having this handsome romantic guy would help me with the loneliness and prove to the world that there is really nothing wrong with me.Text me all day,write me letters and love songs,take me horse riding(ok am drifting lol).But i really hoped that these guys would be able to complete me.

Funny story,it was quite the opposite;i ended up being branded needy and nagging.All those relationships ever did was show me how they could not fill that void within me.They would leave me emptier than before.To the standards of the world i had the most perfect relationships,but unfortunately they were unable to bring the best out of me but chipped my heart slowly by slowly in Gods standards.

I had not realized that all that would ever fulfill me was and still is Christ.His love does not only choose my good side but also goes for my bad side.A love that wants me whole and not just,when i have make up on.Peace within myself,i realized does not exist without His love.I found what i had been longing for.

I got convicted to no longer date until God opens that door.I will not compete with Him and open a door of loneliness,discontentment and self pity.Yes i will be real honest that it is hard because at time i do long for someone to share my day with and all that,but i realize that God wants me to do that with Him,to share my life with Him,to run to Him first and make Him Lord over my life.I know God is not saying never,but He is just saying not now and that is what He has put in my spirit,so I TRUST Him. I give Him the chance to work in me and in turn i get to know myself.For the ladies,lets remember Eve did nothing in pursuing Adam (Genesis 2:18~21).She did not dress half naked or play house because either way its not going to make them stay.She did nothing in pursuing.Lets view each other as brothers and sisters.Let us all be accountable to our actions and with each other and avoid using one another for selfish desires.Awesome that Christ does pursue us ,all of us just the way that we are,I pray that my friend will meet and stop running from the true cure of his loneliness and that most of us will,allowing Him to work in us
Lots of love!
God bless!
Email me at, ogolad@gmail.com.

The Wrong One.


I LOVE YOU,I WANT YOU,I MISS YOU, were words i loved to hear each time i would see a text from him,i would wish that those were the words each time i was lucky enough to get that text.
From morning to evening we would talk to each other,where i ended up.sharing more than he did.I told him secrets i thought id go to the grave with,hoping he would love miss and want me.

Two years down the line,i wasted my time with HOPES of being loved wanted and missed,realizing Oops he was a Non~comitter kinda guy.He never loved wanted nor missed me.He was only good with Words!

Enough about him,I realized i was the one who wanted him so bad to love and miss me,not paying attention to all the ‘red~flags’.Blinded too deep to realize the fact that he did not know Christ,did not push me towards Him at all,but made me feel ashamed for loving Him,embarrased to even wanting that relationship,

But yet i wanted wanted him so bad because he would murder my loneliness,by keeping me company throughtout the night conversing more of flirting,as i foolishy thought” i was creating a connection,right~~~~~~~~~~~~~~WRONG!!

I foolishly thought excuses like he gets me, laughs at my not so funny jokes,,blinded me so from his heart so far from Christ.

I remember i would pray to God”Lord please let him ask me out just once”I hated Him because he never did even once(fyi i thank Him today)I would beg this guy to come see me and he would show up after months.Sad but true,all that time i was STILL convinced that it was him,the one for me,i was in love,not realizing,with the WRONG ONE.

Definately with time it started to hurt because of the realization that he did not want nor love me.I remember writing paragraphs and paragraphs of how i wanted him in my diary and i thought what the heck!this was not working,i decided to text him and tell him i love you, i want you, i miss you.

Just in case you are wondering those texts are yet to be answered.I figured,may be he never got them,i sent them again and yeah never answered.It was all clear to me that he did not want,love nor did he miss me.

This broke and humiliated me,,REJECTION :(,It cut deeper than anything i had ever experienced my entire life
How could he not want me,love me nor miss me?Was i not interesting enough preety enough or skinny enough??I asked myself constantly.That pillow only knew wet days from that time,i would re~read our conversations and wonder,what did i say?What did i do?

It took a while,searching for answers,,,then i figured,it was not this guy,,,It was me and my unsatisfied heart,*i still called myself a christian*yet i desired and idolized a man who did not even want Him,who did not realize the emptiness without Him or how broken he is.I was against Christs will because i was blinded with my own desires of a tall good looking lad.I remember taking up scripture in the book of Peter,twisting it to suit my evil desires,this guy was an addiction.Scripture like “do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever “were cut ,shreddedout of my bible.I tried “moving on with another random” but still nothing could satisfy this heart,no man could.I still wet my pillow with tears and was sad.I ran back to my MAKER!! and asked Him,what is this hole,this longing that no one can fill??He told me to rest and STOP searching!I asked Him to please LOVE ME,please WANT ME and thank you for MISSING ME.He sure did and does love me. 🙂

Trust God with your heart!He desires to love you,Because He already does,He is not scared for you to know it and live it!!Love you!! :).