“HIM vs him”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                           With the little ‘relationship knowledge’ that I have and the blog1possibilities that the New Year holds, it would be sad if I did things the same way. So cheers for setting myself up for success. As I normally say “Prepare yourself for the best and when the worst happens trust God to carry you through.” I find this releasing me from the pressure of worrying and helping me prepare wholeheartedly for the bestcloser to Godladieschastity. In the past ‘him’ always won. He won even before he tried winning me over. I would give him the medal even before he finished the race. He was everything to me even before giving me everything, that he never saw the point of giving anything. Well my fault I guess. But this girl isn’t about that anymore.
I stopped chasing ‘hims’ and started chasing HIM. And it is and has been a very sweet, amazing and fulfilling journey. Of course each day is different but worthwhile. It has not been perfect but a girl can try. I fall, but I get back up and put effort. Not effort for perfection, that’s His job, but effort to get closer to HIM.
Why HIM? Because He is God and gave me everything even before I knew I needed it. Because He loved me first. Because He can never come second place. Because He always wins. Because He never stops giving. Because He should never be in such a battle. Because He created him.
Most if not all ladies have this battle because sometimes we love him or the idea of him so much. But we need to release men from the pressure of wanting them to be everything because they simply can’t be and it’s awesome that they can’t. It gives us the opportunity to seek and want our EVERYTHING….HIM. Am not trying to romanticize God because He does not need me to. But that love!!!!!(Whew!)So when push comes to shove and I have to choose HIM or him, well ya”ll know my choice already. I will not make it a battle. HIM remains. I hope He remains for you too.Happy New Year! Love ya’ll for checking out this post.xoxo.


HOW AM I DOING? Single Life,Internship&What not’s!

Integrity e.t.c) Because I know what I do not want, I clearly know what I want, need and can easily spot it. I know I do not need no drama in my life (flips hair lol) because of dating a guy

@Msdorsila Ogola

I think it is really important to ask oneself this question and just try not to front. The greatest lies we tell are those we tell ourselves. Trying to hide from what is really going on with us. Sometimes the answer to this question may not be appealing at all, but on the contrary betrays the perfect little smiles on our faces and it is only easier not to answer it. But change, healing and growth starts from the courageous effort of accepting where we are and soldiering on from there.
How am I doing?
Well, generally the past few months have not really been the easiest. I think I have been most worried, scared and probably exhausted. I have had to deal with people, questions and situations that are completely new to me. These past few months kind of shadowed and gave me a heads up on what…

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Once Kissed Twice Shy.


‘Whew! I finally did it!I broke up with him and it felt freeing.It was also sad because i had to face so many other fears that i had and had broken someone’s heart again.Wah!I do not know how this is going to work.But today i dedicate my singlehood to serving Christ.Because this for one is the only thing worth saving and working for.This time i want to embrace this season|enjoy it|cherish it and guard it.This time i want to guard my heart for that right person.But before that Christ has to fulfill me.Oh Lord i pray that this time round i hold on to You more than ever because i know its not going to be easy,but Lord i pray that everytime i feel alone,sad and like i need someone,help me Lord to realize my focus.That i should always come back here and remind myself that there is no greater love than He who laid down His life for me.I pray that my actions may show the love that i have for Christ.I pray that my life may be a symbol of His salvation.I pray that my focus will not be on getting or finding a mate,but on knowing God,loving Him and helping others in realizing Him.I pray that my focus will always remain in Him.This relationship being mainly led by trust that He knows best and has nothing but good plans for me.I really wanted to stay in a relationship situation because it was comfortable.I desire to reach a place where the only contentment i get is from Christ.I would rather have God than any other random guy out there’

This is an excerpt from my 2013 May 3rd Journal.It marks the day i decided to stay single and abstinent by choice.I am amazed that it has been an year already.I really thank God because honestly,without Him,the words on my diary would be meaningless.Let me be honest,its not all the time that i got it right and passed the tests on flirting,lust and all that stuff,but i can say that this committment constantly reminded me of where i needed to be and what kind of boundaries i had to set   in order to set  myself up for success with regards to sexual purity and guarding my heart.

I am one girl that struggled alot with my worth and identity.Eeerm i dated a couple of guys in order to hear and feel that am beautiful,loved and wanted.Well, the more they kept up with telling me all these things i so desperately wanted to hear,the more i would stay in those relationships even if they were   toxic.The minute they would even think of slacking in doing all that i would break up with them instantly and walk away.It really got tiresome at some point,because no one really could keep up and it was foolish of me to even expect them to.dee1 (2)

With all these underlying issues,coming to this decision was definately hard.It would get lonely and quiet at times.I definately had to take it a day at a time.I would spend time with God,journal,go to the gym,blog,hang with friends and focus on my studies and dreams.And before i knew it,i had started to fall in love with myself,i really believed that God loved me and my worth is in no relationship, but only in Him.I also realized life is far better without baggage and ‘relationship’ pressure.

I love how Paul really commends Timothy in the book of Philipians chapter two.He notices that Timothy is concerned with the cause of Jesus.And am like “That should me”!!!!
Like i desire to be solely concerned about the cause of Christ,in every season of my life.


1) What ‘single’ really means seriously,i had ignored the dictionary too long.(lol)
Single~(only one,not married or in romantic relationship,designed for one person,considered separately)

2) That i should be single~minded>>>(attention fixed on only one thing.Not allowing myself to be influenced by other people.)
Well,am on this journey of being single minded with my eyes focused on Christ and what i can do for Him in this season of my life.

3) My worth and identity is NOT found on anything or anyone other than Christ Himself.So i had to put  my high heels and high
standards on! Holla!!heels and,standards

4) Singlehood has PURPOSE behind it,it aint a disease,i should probably stop running.

5) Love really starts with SELF.

6)Really know who you are before expecting someone to disintergrate and learn A,B,C and D about you.

7) Do not stay in relationships that are toxic and compromise your standards.

8) Nothing good really comes out of a relationship that does NOT please God.I know that is true,trust me. 🙂

9)Waiting on God for that guy does not literally mean sitting and doing nothing(.Spend time with God,spend time with your awesome friends,work out a lil bit,learn how to cook,do your hair ,nails and make up,use your gifts and talents,focus on your dreams and what you want to achieve and live in fullfillment to your purpose!!!

10)Grace really does not expire.God will pick you up from whatever mess you are in,dust you up and be with you through the journey.So what if i messed up?!God is there saying “I care about this area of your life and it is part of the good plans that i have for you,just TRUST Me”

God loves us and just wants you and me to trust Him.Am still on the journey and am still learning.Hope you are inspired,encouraged and motivated.Feel free to share your thoughts,where you are on this journey,what you have learnt so far and anything else on your heart.

Once Kissed Twice Shy!Yassss!!!!
Love ya”ll

#FindingYourTrueVoice|No Intimidation.

So,i am just sitted,casually having a cup of coffee and i find this issue of the Nairobian Newspaper on the table.I go on ahead and decide to peruse through it.A headline on the News Feature on page (12) really captures my attention.It read “Does God Really Exist?Maybe ……Maybe Not?”Hmmm that question really like buffled me and more so the arguments provided there by ‘recognized’ people was even more crazier.This feature,as much as i wanted it to reflect on the people listed and their beliefs that are contrary to the existence of the Living God,it shockingly reflected on me.

(Playing in my head) “So here i am,a Christian who knows she is loved and cherished by thee Supreme one and only God,and there are people out there,walking by me ,not aware of the very existence of this God”

Well ,after that eureka kinda’ moment,i realized my cup was empty.I put the paper back and walked to the kitchen like nothing had happened.Like nothing was being tagged on my spirit.But as the week progressed i felt God tagging my heart even more to blog about this topic,very differently.

This post well,is not about the listed,that do not believe in the existence of God.The Lion of Judah.It is about me and you who believe in His existence and are few times challenged concerning His very existence.It is about you and me who refuse to speak out and have a voice.I like calling it #FindingYourTrueVoice.It is interesting how we hear doubts concerning the existence of God until we start doubting the very same existence.But how many times have people heard about our conviction concerning His existence  until they believed?

I believe God is raising up a people who are ready to be unashamed and unapologetic about Jesus,His existence and their trust in Him.
Consider this(it like totally wrecked me)

           Jeremiah 9:23
Let not the the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his riches,but let Him who boasts,boast about this,that he understands me and knows me,that I am the Lord,who exercises kindness,justice and righteousness on earth,for in these I delight,declares the Lord.

After reading this i was like,”And the one chance of boasting that He has given me,i refuse to take”.Yet my heart desires to boast more of my own wisdom,strength, or riches.

Boast~> To proudly tell other people about what you or someone connected with you has done or can do…….(Macmillan Dictionary)
~~>Own or have something praiseworthy/talking tall/showing off.(Readers Digest Oxford)

Seriously though, What am i busy and proudly telling other people?.Who am i convincing people am apparently connected to?What am i telling people i own that is praiseworthy? Whom am i showing off?

And yes it was not my understanding and knowledge of God.His LOVE,LORDSHIP and His GRACE and FAVOUR.

It is not the atheists we are against,but the devil.Pastor Joseph Mambili is quoted on the paper,
       “They actually,deep in their hearts know that there is a Supreme Being.All these people who don’t believe in God weren’t born atheists,something usually unfortunate,happened that changed their belief in a Supreme being.”

Therefore in a conversation with a person who does not believe in the existence of God the Son,Father and the HolySpirit,do not allow their voice of reasoning that calls to cause and effect play louder in your head,making you want to make a shift.But on the contrary,your voice,through your speech and action of the boasting of the knowledge that Jesus is Lord,His existence,His works,love and grace should play out in their head,causing them to want to make a shift.

I like what Ron Luce founder of Teen Mania says in one of his conferences,
“You may not see God,but you can see his effect on our lives”.

I think when something has an effect on us,i mean we JUST CANNOT SHUT UP about it.This is a huge challenge to me and i guess not only me.I pray that God will give us the zeal,courage and strength.

Quote this: You can try so hard to be relevant on this earth talking and speaking of things that are totally irrelevant before God’s eyes.

Feel free to leave comments down below on your thoughts on the topic and share your ideas on what we can do as Christians or anything else on your heart. 🙂

Lots of love!
God has called us.

Check out the preview to this amazing movie.You should totally watch it!!!




‘The Wife Drama’

‘Laughter and the sound of ‘toasts’ of wine glasses can be heard from all corners of the well-lit room.Soft, enjoyable ,brassy music filled the already enjoyable atmosphere.The faces of the congregation matched their adornings for the evening-bright and lovely.I walk into the room,having worn a gown that looks somehow,white.Holding the hand of a man and what it looks like,we are celebrating a wedding that just took place.He leads me to a table that has two beautiful ladies.He introduces me to the first lady and i immediately assume that it is the sister.But,contrary to my wishful assumptions this man introduces her as his second -wife .My face turns green,tears washing down my make up and i immediately run out of there,my heart pounding,screaming relentlessly ‘I could never be a third wife’.My sister follows me outside and the first thing i ask of her in desperation is ‘Where can i get a family lawyer at this time?’ THEN I WOKE UP.I had had a nightmare.I immediately started praying,my heart beating so fast nullifying this dream,telling God,this, is not and cannot be my portion.

I remember prior to this dream,i had just been from watching the news that night on the marriage bill that allowed men to willfully go for second-wives.I felt so strongly about the matter as we discussed it with my sister then bam! That night i had the dream.

But seriously though,as our men consider taking up as many wives as they see fit and desire.I feel and think that what tends to be forgotten is What God says on the issue and its effects on the family.Let me be real honest,i come from a polygamous family set up.My dad whom i heart dearly has two wives.I love them as well.I never knew family as boring because my mom has five of us and my step mom has nine of us.So basically,because we lived (the kids +my mom) in the same house,and life as i knew it was pretty much fun and exciting.I loved it.

Thing is,when growing up i never understood why i would call my mommy,’mummy’ and my steps would call her ‘mama so and so'(put in my name).Until i reached a certain age ,then i actually understood that we had different moms,i stopped with the questioning.My step mom was not staying with us and soon enough my step siblings after reaching a certain age,they started leaving ,to go and stay with their mom,which was okay.But it became different.Our once so great relationship was different.Our communication with each other became frizzled and almost not there. Ofcourse i loved them and i knew they loved us too,but it wasn’t the same.My once ‘normal’ family was now weird.I would look through the window admiring families that seemed ‘normal’ and stuff.At times it felt like my brothers and sisters had rejected and disapproved of us and did not consider themselves a part of us.It was hard and still is.
Does my mom and dad know how difficult it might have been for us as kids and growing up?I am not sure.

Children in the middle of a polygamous family,well it tends to feel like one is constantly in the middle of a situation.A confusing situation,where by it is hard to understand what is going on and where exactly is it that one stands.I am 100% sure that my step siblings were not at all pleased and comfortable with the set up.Polygamy is never a win-win situation for the kids.

So, i am a born-again (SAVED) christian and i do not have standards of my own,but those of Christ,because i died to me and my desires and wants.I do not believe in polygamy not only because of what it does to the family institution but most importantly because it was NOT God’s intended design for marriage.In the dream i had,i felt convicted about the whole situation,not because of its impact on the kind of life i probably have gone through,but because deep inside i knew it wasn’t God’s will and design for marriage.I felt like i had displeased Him,the most important person in my life. 

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.
Note:Only one wife was got from Adams rib.

Polygamy,whether permission sought or not does not stop it from being adultery.Adultery,straight up is a sin.God condemns it all through the Bible.
Exodus 20:14 You shall NOT commit adultery.

Matthew 5:27 You have heard that it was said,’Do not commit adultery’.

Deutronomy 5:18 You shall not commit adultery. (Just to mention a few)

I believe adultery is birthed from man’s own heart never from necessity or situations of life.It may seem so,but it all boils to where one’s hope and heart are set.The foundations of our standards and beliefs.

Matthew 15:19 For out of the heart comes evil thoughts,murder,adultery,sexual immorality,theft,false testimony,slander.

Mark 7:21 For from within,out of men’s hearts,comes evil thoughts,sexual immorality,theft,murder,adultery.

This issue starts from our hearts guys.These hearts of ours.

In conclusion,well,just because i am birthed in a polygamous family does not make polygamy right before God’s eyes.The only eyes we should be concerned about.Just because our ancestors found pride in it,does not nullify God’s Words on the issue.It does not prove manhood or demand respect.
Proverbs 6:32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgement,whoever does so destroys himself.

And just because our government might call it law,it does not substitute God’s standards for marriage.It may be accepted in Kenya but in God’s eyes it is a sin with consequences.At the end of the day,no matter who you are or your situation it all depends on whose standards you decide to live by.Remember that TRUTH does NOT stop being TRUTH because many people do not believe in it or find it difficult to uphold.
But as for me and my ‘one day-family
‘ we shall serve the Lord,believe and live by His standards.:)Be encouraged,all hope is not lost.Bless you!
Love ya’ll.







So today i thought of this ‘random’ guy.I mean someone mentioned the school he was in and memories started knocking at me.But i realized that yes there were some good times where we shared and laughed but the REASON i cut him off was because He was no good for me and i chose Christ!I love His love for me!That guy will never see me as Christ does because He hasnt found Him yet.Gotta say tho’ “waiting” is SOO hard but am dealing!Lol!Christ is my strength.Peace!!
Love you!




EGYPT!!!,,, REALLY?????

Been a minute since I blogged about anything,, and am happy to be able to share something with you today.
(Trying not to get into much detail )Hmmm in  the past couple of months my family has been going through a really hard time, both emotionally and financially. Dad’s business got a major set back, mom got sick and I on the other hand wasn’t really left out, had just broken up with a random, lost (close friends, struggling with feelings of betrayal and rejection.
Because of the financial strain, I would hear mum saying may be the next semester of school ,my sister and I would have to miss and push it forward. All this put me in so much worry and self pity..
I remembered,early April deciding if there was anyone am running to it has to be God.My mind made up that I will fear Him. Little did I know that God was going to ask me, Where is your confidence?? Baring in mind that most times in times of trouble, I would run to a random, a friend,music,food,(well right after crying,, but this time I had decided It to be different, I wanted to experience His love, care and covering. I wanted to trust Him,submitting my heart to Him,

I asked Him to teach me of what that meant,, (walk with me as I share, )
One thing about God is that He calls for me and you, He is genuine at heart, wants and desires to listen, and hear from us, calling us to His refuge.
       ‘Or else let them come to me for refuge, let them make peace with me yes,let them make peace with me’ Isaiah 27;5.

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you, he rises to show compassion to you. Blessed are all who wait on Him.Isaiah 30;18.
It saddens Him when we ignore his open arms of love and run to the mortal arms of man, in my case a random, a friend and maybe in your case someone in a power position who may seemingly look like the answer to your problem. But He says again,,

     Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help,who rely on horses, who trust in the multitudes of their chariots and in the great strength of their horsemen, but do not look to the Holy One of Israel, or seek help from the Lord, Isaiah 31:1.

Am sure we can help each other at identifying our Egypt and multitude of chariots that we have kept for ourselves somewhere, thing is I realized our minds may not be able to comprehend God, but that is no excuse for me and you to not wanting to know Him and taking Him for what He says He is. When man acts of no knowledge and understanding he is bound to make mistakes,,,,,, my people perish because of lack of knowledge,,,,,

       This is what the Lord says to me”As a lion growls,a great lion over his preys and though a whole band of shepherds is called together against Him, He is not frightened by their shouts or disturbed by their clamour,,,,,,,,,,, Isaiah 31:4.

Therefore without just the revelation and knowledge of who God is, by what He says He is,we are unable to fully rely and seek that amazing refuge in Him, We take man’s word, forgetting that these our ‘Egyptians’ are just men, not God, their horses are flesh and not Spirit. And when the Lord stretches out His hand, he who helps will stumble and both perish together 31:3,,

A more amazing thing I learnt and stands out and blew me off, is the amazingness of taking refuge in God, we in doing so say goodbye to our idols of life, our little randoms and friends, money, power, government, education, relationships and the list goes on,
     for in that day, everyone will reject the idols of silver and gold, your sinful hands have made Isaiah 31:7.

You shall defile also the covering of your graven images of silver and the ornament of your molten images of gold, you shall cast them away as an unclean thing, you shall say to them, Get away, Isaiah 30;22.

Isn’t that amazing!!!! ♥♥♥

The Word also expresses the consequence of taking refuge in other things and persons,, it adds more sin to sin,It brings us shame disgrace and humiliation,, put us to no advantage at all.Not my words,,, Isaiah 30:1-5.,,,,for sure trust in man, will shame us,,, man bleeds, man gets tired, man is just man,,,

Though you and I may not be able to fully comprehend the Lord, I mean guys He is still God,take Him for his Word,

See I lay a stone in Zion, A Tested stone, a precious conerstone,, hmm,, (wow!!) for a sure foundation: the one who trusts will never be dismayed

Dear Lord I pray that we may believe what you say You are!and trust You more, to seek refuge in You, Thank You.

Well as am writing this my mom is getting better, I thank Jesus the procedure went well, ♥♥, on her way to recovery,,My dad by the way stopped drinking,:) Trusting the Lord for a financial breakthrough at home and providence, and emotional healing,,,

HE has both our backs and loves You,,,! I pray that this blesses your hearts and ultimately points you torward Christ, and pushes you to TRUST in HIM even more. ♥♥★ツシツ